Images courtesy of Sakura Photography

Here are what we think are the top ten tips to successful wedding toasting -

1. THINK IT THROUGH; MAKE NOTES
- A good way to connect with your bride and groom and their wedding guests is sharing some insight into your relationship with them. Guests always want to hear about stories of connection, and that’s also the quickest way to someone’s heart – through reminisce!

2. KEEP IT RESPECTABLE
- Yes, that story about your best bud, the groom, peeing in the bushes probably brings back lots of great memories, but it may not necessarily be the right story to share with a roomful of guests who may not know that side of him, especially his boss and his wife whom he has invited to his wedding! So do keep from embarrassing the couple on their special day, and save the stories about their recent nose jobs, broken hearts or first marriages from the podium.

3. WRITE YOUR TOAST LIKE A STORY
- Remember a beginning, middle and an end, so that as you toast the couple, your stories unfold like a good mini book or movie with a timeline.

4. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
- Some people are really great with winging it, but others rely on notes and that’s totally fine too. The key to making sure that you don’t sound like you’re reading from notes (which you are) is to practice practice practice. Get in front of a kitchen mirror, and if you can a willing audience, and rehearse your speech until you feel at ease with the toast.

5. KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET
- Life stories are great but you probably want to limit sharing your stories to maybe one or two, depending on how long your stories are. This ensure that you have everybody’s attention and that nobody is fidgeting.

6. BE CLEAR-HEADED
- You know how they say it’s a good idea to calm one’s nerves with a little something from the bar? While it may seem like a good idea, it may not be the best course of action as nerves and memory, especially, and alcohol are not best friends. A little sip or two might do the trick to relax yourself for the toast, but anything more than that could lead to impaired speech, instability and a loss of memory of what you’re going to say. We think it’s best to stay away from the bar until after you’ve had your toast. After that, you can drink as much as you want! Safely, of course (;

7. ANNOUNCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE COUPLE
- Some of the bride and groom’s friends may not know who you are, so announce your relationship to the couple at the beginning of the speech to avoid any confusion.

8. THANK THE FAMILIES
- This part of the speech is often overlooked, but it is such an crucial tip to successful toasting. Make sure you thank both sides of the families but keep the list short and concise; remember your two-minute limit!

9. RAISE YOUR GLASS AT THE END OF YOUR SPEECH
- Make sure that you bring your toasting glass to the podium, as it’s a nice gesture to end your speech with the raising of your glass to the couple.

10. LIMIT THE NUMBER OF SPEECHES
- While it’s not actually the responsibility of the Best Man or Maid of Honour, it’s an important tip to remember for successful wedding toasting. There are usually only two speeches – the Best Man and Maid of Honour toasts. However, there are sometimes more than one BM/MOH, or more likely than not, the parents of the couple might insist on making a toast as well. While we’re sure these speeches are heartfelt and mean a lot to the newlyweds and those who speak, the more speeches mean the longer your guests will have to wait for their food. So do keep that in mind when planning for speeches during the toasting part of the reception.

The post ten tips to successful wedding toasting appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

One of the first decisions that you’re going to have to make as newlyweds is where you’re going to live.  For some, choosing your first apartment might be simple because one of you already owns a place the other can move into, or you already share the same home. For others, it can be quite a daunting task.

If you’re starting out a budget, the best idea might be to rent an apartment for the first couple years to get a feel for which part of your city you want to settle down in, and find out what you’re really looking for in a home. Here’s our best tips on hunting for that perfect first place:

Figure out how much you can afford together: A common way to decide how much you put towards rent is spending no more than 25% of your monthly income. Its important to sit down and go over your finances together right away, that way there will be no confusion on how much you can put towards your rent. Choose a maximum budget and use it in your search criteria, this will save a lot of sorting through places you simply can’t afford.

Create criteria for each of your ideal apartments, find the similarities and differences. Maybe it’s essential for your man to have a gym in the building, and maybe it’s a total necessity for you to have in-suite laundry. Can’t stand electric stoves? Speak up!  Hash out what’s important to you, what you can live without and what you simply can’t. This is one of the first experiences of compromise you’ll have in your marriage…

Find out what’s included before you view the apartment: Before getting excited about the “perfect place” you found on craigslist, check what utilities and appliances are included in your rent and apartment. That way you won’t end up stuck with extra bills at the end of the month, and total disappointment when you realise there is no dishwasher, or that you have to walk half a mile to do your laundry in your “dream place.”

Have pets? Find out the pet policy right away to avoid disappointment: If you have a pet, or are planning on adding a furry friend to your family in the near future, make sure you know the policy. Some apartments straight out don’t allow pets, some allow certain types of pets, and some allow pets if they are under a certain size.

Find out if you have to sign a minimum lease, or if it’s month to month: Depending on many factors, this may be important for you. Are you happy to agree to spending one whole year in the place you choose? Or do your circumstances require you to be a bit more transient? Find out if you can come to an agreement with your landlord.

Learn to love the vintage hunt: So you want to have that perfect little place, but simply don’t have the budget to buy expensive new things? Spend your Saturdays sorting through vintage and thrift stores for some eclectic pieces to make your place special! If you’re crafty, its easy to spend a little time refurbishing, painting and fixing things up!

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Choosing Your First Apartment appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

One of the positive things that comes from building a long-distance relationship is a real value for time spent together, less time spent arguing, more appreciation of physical touch, all of which build a solidly good foundation for a strong future together.

If you’re considering a long distance relationship or have fallen into one without much of a choice, lucky you! But, don’t feel discouraged. Here are the six key things to help you actually enjoy, well … bear being in one of these tough relationships and to make a long distance relationship last. Note… they are not for the faint of heart!

Image Courtesy of Wedding Girl

1. Make sure you are on exactly the same page as to where the relationship is heading. 

It’s important for both people entering into a long-distance relationship to have set parameters and know what each of your needs are that you want to come out of this relationship. Think of it in terms of how much you’re willing to put your finances, job, family, friendships and free time towards someone you only see via Whatsapp, Facetime and Skype.

How often do you expect to communicate? How often will you be able to visit each other? If you’re not already engaged, is that where the relationship is heading? Do you plan to get married one day? Are you going to be exclusive, or will your relationship become more open? Be reasonable about your expectations. Will you live together one day? Discuss how you’re going to get to that point in your relationship. This will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations to keep the relationship going are not for nothing.

It might be a difficult and awkward conversation to have, but this conversation will save you a lot heartache later on. Realise that breaking up is actually an option. Most long-distance relationships fail or turn into a life-long commitment. As long as you trust each other and both of you are committed to being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance won’t change that. Check in often to see how your partner is feeling about your relationship;  trust and honesty with each other are key to the success of your relationship. As soon as one of you feels like it’s not working and gives up on trying, or one of you starts spending time or developing feelings for another person, the relationship is on its way to being over.

2. Always have something to look forward to together.

In order to keep the both of you sane, it is so important to have something planned together in the future. For my husband and I, the thing that made our long-distance relationship last was consistency. We were always having the next trip to see each other booked before we had left each other … almost every time. That way, leaving each other wasn’t as hard, because we always knew we had the next time together planned. My husband was in London whilst I was in Vancouver. We planned trips where we met in London and Vancouver, and half way in between in Iceland. Meet halfway, meet in each other’s cities, and spice it up by meeting somewhere exotic!

Spend most of your money on plane, train and bus tickets to see each other. Visit each other more often than other people think is reasonable. If finances or circumstances don’t allow you to plan trips together, plan things that you commit to with no room for disappointment, like a Skype date every Friday. A real relationship won’t survive communication that is just via phone calls and technology though – you need to see each other every chance you get.

3. Make use of modern technology, talk every day!

You’re deprived of the best perk about being in a relationship – being with each other! So plan Skype dates, use Facetime, and send photos of your day. Take advantage of how amazing technology is these days and use them all! Turn Skype on when you are going about your daily life, cooking dinner, having a bath, and all those other things your partner would be there doing with you if you were in the same place! It’s so important to make some kind of contact daily, just as you would in a regular relationship. Send an email while your partner is a work. A simple text good morning and good night can mean everything – texting can lead to sexting, which only sounds lame to people who have never been in a long-distance relationship themselves!

Image Courtesy of Etsy

4. Do things that you’re both interested in simultaneously as well as individually.

It’s so important to do other things together besides the usual phone call or Skype date because, let’s face it, in a normal relationship where you are both in the same place, there is only so much talking you can do. Most couples spend their time out and about doing things, watching movies, or going for dinners.  As cheesy as it sounds, watch a movie or show simultaneously so you’re sort of watching it together, or watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Cook the same recipe for dinner one night and see how it turned out for each of you. Read the same book, motivate each other to get in shape, or work on a project together. Find creative ways to enjoy things together, while apart.

5. Make use of good old snail mail.

Write each other letters. I sure got to know my man’s romantic side via all his love letters to me! It’s a fun, old-fashioned way to keep the romance in your relationship. Send each other things – use places like Amazon to your advantage. Have lunch or flowers delivered to his or her office. Find ways to make your partner feel special. Send spa certificates, or movie passes. Find a way to make him or her think about you, and vice versa while you are thousands of miles away.

6. Live your own life and do the things you love.

Take advantage of the fact that you have a lot of time for yourself, your friends and your family. These are things that, when you are in a relationship in the same city, tend to get pushed aside a little bit, since most couples spend the majority of their free time together.  Being in a long-distance relationship forces you to maintain your individuality, which is also a great foundation for any relationship, and will benefit you both later in life.

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Ways To Make a Long Distance Relationship Last appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

Your mom, your work friends, your best buds, your crazy brother, your husband or wife’s best friend, new friendships, your old (and sort of horrible) friend and of course, your significant other… they all want a good chunk of your time, but there really are only so many hours in a day, and so many days in a month – so how should your time be divided up? You can’t make everyone happy, but you can at least try!

Getting married and sharing a life together means spending a good amount of time together. But, you can’t please everyone, and most of the time , it’s easy to neglect the person closest to you – you’ll see each other at the end of the night anyway, right? The opposite happens just as easily as well - spending all your time together, just the two of you curled up at home or going on weekend adventures. Remember though, too much together time isn’t a good idea either.

When you get married, you’re gaining a new family and most of the time, a new set of friends. It should be expected that your other half is hoping you see his friends as your friends and vice versa. So, what if your husband’s best friend is a total sports-fanatic booze hound and invites you both over to watch the game with him and his new girlfriend, who you can just imagine what she’ll be like. Even if you think you won’t get along with her, or that a double date with his friend and new girl will be excruciatingly boring, give it a shot, especially since it’s important to your sweetie. You never know, you just might make a new friend – don’t make assumptions and give at least little piece of your social life to it.

What about that friend who drives you crazy? The one you know is going to piss you off at a gathering with all your friends. The one who always makes that sly comment, and you feel has never been truly happy for you since you got engaged, and throughout all successes in your life? But there’s something keeps you coming back for more. Maybe it’s because you’ve been friends since you were little kids, or you just have so much fun together sometimes, she/he is a great wing man, or your families are very close. Whatever the reason, marriage makes you realise who your real friends are. As tough as is sounds, it just might  be time to end this “friendship” with your old friend. Life is truly too short to waste on toxic relationships that bring you down. Save that chunk of your time for someone more important in your life.

Image Courtesy of KGOODPHOTO

And then there’s the friends who have been there thorough it all. The ones who lied in bed next to you while you cried your eyes out with each heart-break, brought you soup while you were sick, and stood next to you on your big day dressed in those way-too-expensive dresses and didn’t ever complain about how crazy you got about the details. But now that you’re married, it feels like you’re all so busy with your careers and partners. Somehow the inseparable crew has been separated and there’s barely time to squeeze in a lunch date with them one at a time, let alone a fun night out together.

If that’s the case, it’s definitely time to re-think your priorities. Just because you think they understand you’ve started a new business or hobby that’s taking up all your free time, or that you have in-laws and your husband/wife’s friends group to deal with, does not mean that they should get a smaller piece of your schedule. They are your best friends, they make you happy, so a good chunk of your time should be spent with them. Make it a priority to set aside at least one or two days a month to do the things you always did together, or new things!

And don’t forget about your family. You’re moved out, and not seeing them as much any more, they understand you’re married and starting a new life and a family of your own – its easy to get caught up in “being married.” But, they still are the most important people in your life. If you’re getting the, “I never see you anymore,” and “We miss you guys so much,” calls, it’s time to put in a little more effort. Make that weekly phone call to mom and dad,  (or twice if you’re far enough away that you can’t make that birthday dinner). Make an effort during the big holidays too, divide them up between both sets of in-laws. These are the most important people to keep happy, and are also the easiest to forget about because they are family and will always be there. Again, life is too short to forget about or set aside the people who matter the most.

Finding a balance between time spend together, and time spent apart is crucial to the success of any marriage, and it’s not the same for any two couples – we all have different kinds of people and jobs to balance. The first year is always the hardest, as you become part of a couple but also learn to maintain a strong sense of yourself. What’s your middle ground?

The post Marriage Manners Monday | How to Manage Your Social Life After Marriage appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

On this chilly April morning we have a collection of our favourite quotes about marriage and love, for inspiration and to remind you why you fell in love in the first place. Sure, marriage isn’t always easy, but to have someone standing by your side through all the ups and downs of life, is so wonderful…

 Image Courtesy of Shari and Mike Photographers

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” - Aristotle

“It is such a happiness when good people get together – and they always do. -Jane Austen

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” - Leo Tolstoy

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” -Judith Viorst

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” -Socrates

“We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love.” – Gene Perret

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” - Mignon McLaughlin

”A happy marriage is the union of two  good forgivers.” - Ruth Bell Graham

“The best thing to hold onto life is each other.” – Audrey Hepburn

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Our Favourite Quotes About Marriage and Love appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

Wives do the laundry, husbands do the yard work – isn’t that how it still works when it comes to household chores in a marriage?

Doing chores is mundane and boring for everyone. Nobody likes cleaning the toilet or taking out the garbage. When both partners in a marriage believe chores are shared equally, everything is peachy keen. The problems arise when one person in a relationship feels overwhelmed because they aren’t getting enough help around the house, leading to feelings of stress and frustration, and ultimately causing increased tension and arguments at home – usually the woman. Most women feel responsible for the chores, even if their partner does help out, she’s usually the one delegating the tasks.

Image Courtesy of Good Enough Mother

Did you know that conflict over domestic duties falls in second place, just after conflict over money in a marriage? When a couple can come up with a plan and divide chores in a way that both feel satisfied with the outcome, they are showing mutual respect for one another, and conflict is averted, yay!

That said, the division of chores has a lot to do with perception.

How do you and your partner divide up the chores and work at home? How much do you think your partner really does?

Try out Emily Post’s Chores IQ Test.

Download and complete the following questionnaire separately and then go over your answers together. Where you agree, celebrate. Where you disagree, it’s time to talk. Find out how much each of you feel like you actually do to help around the house, how much you see the other doing, and what you can improve on.

The post Household Chores in a Marriage | Who Does What? appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

How do you get your partner to help out around the house and start sharing household chores? This is a question most women find out the hard way: in an argument.

Without constantly nagging your partner and having it be a source of conflict, cleaning is something most women have a hard time getting their man to do. Household tasks can be a huge source of conflict for many couples, so getting into a routine that works for both of you, right from the start, will make all the difference in the world.  Dividing up housework often comes down to clear communication, like most other elements of your relationship.

It’s very rare to find a man who finds household chores equally important as his wife does because most men, whether it’s consciously or unconsciously, look upon housework as women’s work. He, of course, appreciates a clean house and meal on the table but he usually won’t make the effort to create it without being asked.

Setting standards is so important, simple ones like “In our house, we all help clear the table,” or “Hang your coat up in the closet when you come through the door,” can be so helpful later on. Set the standards right from when you start spending most of your time at each other’s places when you’re dating, and later it won’t be difficult to share the chores.

According to my husband, the laundry is the wife’s job, the household ‘fix-it’ tasks are the husband’s job, and the rest should be divided up equally, not that that actually happens…. but at least he thinks that’s how it should be.

Here are some ways to get him to help out without turning it into a source of conflict:

1) Ask, in a respectful and loving way, for what you want and present the issue as a problem for which you need help. Don’t criticise him right away and say things like, “You’re lazy,” or “You never do anything around the house.” That won’t get you very far since it’s going to make him feel angry or ashamed, both of which will not work in your favour.

2) As childish as it sounds, make a list of the chores that need to be done every day, week and month. Divide up the responsibility first by each choosing the chores you each don’t mind doing. Maybe you don’t mind doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen and he doesn’t mind doing the garage and taking out the garbage. Once you get those tasks out of the way, divide up the tough ones. Write them down on a whiteboard if you need to, or make a chart – it’ll be worth the amount of arguing you won’t do as a result.

3)  Don’t call a special meeting – try talking about household chores while you’re out for a walk or having dinner. Otherwise, he will immediately get defensive and start an argument. Make sure you make it personal when you have a conversation about chores. Something like, “Sweetie, it is really important to me to have the kitchen clean before we go to sleep. It would be very helpful if you could clean up the dishes on the nights that I cook. Would you be up for that?” That would be an ideal way to ask without making it sound like a criticism.

4) Don’t belittle or criticise your man for his failings. Do compliment and praise him on the things he does do and build on the great things that he does. The more you nag him, the less likely he is going to be to want to help around the house. Which means the more you’re going to feel like you’re the only one doing any chores, which will make you angry and cause an argument that puts you right back where you started.

By doing the test on the five love languages, I found out that one of my top love language is “Acts of Service.”

This means that, for me, actions speak much louder than words. I feel like my husband loves and respects me when he does help around the house without me having to ask him. This shows to me that he understands when I need help around the house. This is so much more important to me than receiving gifts or hearing words of affirmation.

Image Courtesy of Ann Kuperberg

It’s helpful for you to understand what your top love language is, so that you can discuss the division of chores with your husband in a constructive manner. Leaning to share household tasks right from the beginning of your relationship, rather than trying to start after you’re married is so important. Try the test for yourself and maybe it will help both of you understand why certain things are more important to you than others in your relationship.

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Sharing Household Chores from a Husband’s Point of View appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

With St. Patricks Day just around the corner, we thought we’d pay tribute to the gorgeous country that has given us some of the oldest and most wonderful wedding traditions that are still followed today, like braids and wildflowers in the bride’s hair, to wedding bells in lieu of clinking glasses and confetti!

Image courtesy of Ann-Kathrin Koch Photography

Ever wonder where the saying, “Kiss me, I’m Irish,” comes from? In the village of Blarney, Ireland sits the legendary Blarney Stone, a bluestone block built into the Blarney Castle’s tower in 1446. Because of this stone, Blarney Castle is one of Ireland’s most popular tourist destinations. Millions of visitors from around the globe travel here annually to kiss the stone.

Legend holds that the kisser of the stone will be endowed with the gift of eloquence, the gift of gab, or skill at flattery. The term ‘blarney’ has become synonymous with flattering, clever or coaxing talk, though the village’s name was derived from the word ‘An blarna,’ the Irish term for ‘the plain.’

image courtesy of jeff.stu-di-o.com

The phrase, ‘tying the knot’ also comes from an old Irish tradition that symbolises the bond of mariage in the same way that the exchanging of rings does nowadays. When a couple is pronounced man and wife at the end of the ceremony, the couple clasp their hands together, and a ribbon, cord, or rope is wound around their joined hands as a symbol of their agreement to spend their lives together.

Image courtesy of Lauren Rutherford

One of our favourite Irish wedding traditions is that every couple should receive a bell as a wedding gift. The bell is placed in the newlywed’s home and when a arguement takes place, one of the couple rings the bell to end the argument and declare a truce without an admission of fault. Talk about effective conflict resolution! The chime of bells is said to keep evil spirits away and also remind the married couple of their wedding vows.

Incorporate this fun tradition into your wedding and give individual bells to your guests as favours to ring during the processional and in place of clinking glasses at the reception.

Another lovely tradition is the Claddagh ring which was named after Claddagh, a fishing village in Galway, Ireland. This ring is handed down from mother to daughter and is used both as the engagement and wedding ring. The hands holding the heart represent friendship and togetherness. Single women traditionally wear the ring on the right hand, with the ring facing outward. When in a relationship, it’s turned inwards, indicating the woman is ‘taken.’

The ring is moved to the left hand when the wearer becomes engaged, with the crown pointing outward, and it is turned inward on that hand once married. Today, it is still used as a wedding ring and it is considered improper for a person to buy one for him or herself; it must be given as a gift.

In the 18th and 19th centuries, the Irish believed that if the sun shone on the bride, it would bring good luck to the couple. It was also lucky to hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning or to see three magpies.

A funny tradition also … since Irish men were known for getting cold feet on their wedding days, once the bride and groom were in the church, the guests would lock the door to keep the groom inside, thus making sure that he went through with the ceremony.

And the very best tradition? The Kilt. The pattern or the kilt represents family heritage, so what better day than the day you say your I DO’s to incorporate this into your wedding day? It takes a bold man to pull this look off but when they do it is so fun. And, it’s even better if the groom can get the groomsmen involved!

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Kiss Me I’m Irish | Irish Wedding Traditions appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

A new sparkler on a woman’s left hand is all people need to assume a wedding is in her near future. However, according to Emily Post, an engagement ring isn’t essential for you to be officially engaged.

Many couples choose to put the money toward other purposes, like a new home, or something the couple can enjoy together that symbolises their commitment to each other. Others postpone buying an engagement ring until later in the marriage when they can afford it, and give it on a special occasion, like a romantic anniversary gift. The etiquette of the engagement ring varies between each couple and culture.

Photo : [stu-di-o] by jeanie

Most North American women follow the centuries old European tradition of wearing engagement rings on the finger next to the pinky on the left hand. This comes from the ancient Greeks. According the them, this finger contained the “love vein,” which ran directly to the heart. Since cultural and religious practices vary, there is no correct way to wear an engagement ring, just whatever suits your tradition.

In different parts of the world there are different things used to symbolise an engagement. A ring doesn’t always have to be worn on the finger. Some of the first ever recorded wedding rings originated from ancient Egyptian tribal customs where brides used materials such as grasses and flowers to adorn their wrists and ankles. In the Hindu tradition, women are given toe rings, called bichiya, as engagement rings. In West Bengal, women are given iron bangle bracelets, often plated in silver or gold. In Russia, Catholics wear a trinity ring to symbolise their faith.

In Ireland, the Claddagh is a unique ring that can be used as an engagement ring, a wedding ring, or just as a gesture of friendship. The way in which it is worn – whether it is worn on the right or left hand, and which direction it faces – lets people know whether it is an engagement ring or wedding band. Its design features a pair of clasped hands, a heart and a crown, and represents friendship, love and loyalty.

In the Nordic/Scandinavian tradition, both men and women exchange and wear engagement rings once they decide to get married. These engagement rings generally take the form of simple gold bands which are worn on the right hand until the wedding day. They are later moved over to the left ring finger to symbolise the marriage. The day after the wedding a “morning gift” is given, which is usually a small diamond ring or another piece of jewellery.

Couples from the Hawaiian islands often wear special engraved rings decorated with the spouse’s name. The letters are engraved in elaborate or antique-looking font, and can be darkened or allowed to blend into the metal ring.

Some daring couples even skip the ring completely and get an eternity band tattooed on their ring fingers to symbolise their commitment. Whatever the tradition, if it is a ring, another piece of jewellery or something else, it is always used as an everlasting symbol of a couple’s love and commitment to each other.

Photo : [stu-di-o] by jeanie

Engagement rings can be new or antique, bought from a shop or custom designed. Rings may be passed down in a family, and heirloom stones may be reset in a more contemporary style. Traditionally, the man selects and purchases the ring on his own, but today’s couples often make the decision together.

Gentlemen, when selecting a diamond or precious gem, do your homework before you buy and learn the four C’s of diamonds: clarity, cut, colour and carat.

CLARITY refers to a diamond with few or no blemishes. CARAT is the size. Diamonds come in several colour types and have a grading system for each colour. The CUT is a credit to the craftsman who created the bevels on the stone, its finish and polish of the stone.

Determining how much to spend and what you will be able to get for your money creates a tremendous source of anxiety in many grooms-to-be. A little planning ahead can ease your stress. Most sources say to spend the equivalent of two months’ of salary on an engagement ring, we think you should spend whatever works comfortably with your budget, lifestyle and importance of the ring.

The post Marriage Manners Monday | The Etiquette of the Engagement Ring appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

1. Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.

2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person.

3. Don’t forget to laugh. Most couples spend the majority of their time talking logistics: who’s doing the grocery shopping, who’s calling the repairman, who’s picking up the kids. A relationship can’t survive on logistics. Have a water fight instead.

4. She needs you to be her best friend. Everyday, talk to her and tell her what you’re thinking. Even if you don’t think you’re thinking about anything. She needs to hear your heart.

5. He needs you to be his cheerleader. Let him know you believe he can take on the world.

6. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.

7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick.

8. Leave the toilet seat down.

9. Forgiving means not bringing that old infraction up every time you have a new fight. Let it go.

10. If it’s not solved at 2:30 a.m., it’s not going to be solved at 3:00 a.m. either. Go to sleep. You can deal with it tomorrow, assuming you even remember what the fight was about.

11. When you’re having an argument, listen to understand, don’t listen to find loopholes so you can win. Marriage is either a win/win or a lose/lose. You can’t win by beating someone else down.

12. Your kids come second, not first. Your marriage needs to be number one. Your spouse was there before the kids and will be there after the kids move out. Work on that relationship first.

13. If you haven’t fully committed to your marriage, it won’t succeed. If you’re always testing your spouse, your spouse will always come up short. No one is perfect.

14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it.

15. Let her cry. She needs to every now and then.

16. Don’t bug him if he doesn’t cry. Some men just don’t show their feelings. That’s why they’re men.

17. Don’t say everything that’s on your mind. More marriages would survive if more things went unsaid.

18. Let her be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off everyone else.

19. Let him be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off romance novels.

20. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts. Don’t think she’s pathetic if she obsesses over paint colours. You married someone of the opposite gender. That’s what life is about.

21. Don’t run to your mom if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a unit now. Act like it.

22. Make one of your favourite topics of conversation how much you admire your spouse. Tell your kids. Tell your friends. And let your spouse hear.

23. Men would be ecstatic if women showed up naked and brought food. Most women need more than that. Men, make it your goal in life to figure her out. Woo her. She’s worth it.

24. Say yes far more frequently than you say no.

What is the best piece of marriage advice that you have ever received? Email us at ringring @ heirloommagazine.com we’d love to hear from you!

The post Marriage Manners Monday | 25 Marriage Tips appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

Choosing your wedding party and deciding what they are responsible for is one of the first wedding decisions that you make after your engagement. For many couples choosing their bridal party is a simple task. Some just chose their immediate family. But if you have a large family or large family and circle of friends, it can be a daunting task.

Couples usually have eight to twelve attendants, but this will vary depending on the size and style of your wedding. According to Emily Post, there is no required number of attendants. You can include as many or as few people as you wish. Even a big formal wedding with one or two attendants on each side is perfectly acceptable. It’s also unnecessary to have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen: one groomsman can easily escort two bridesmaids during the recessional, or bridesmaids can walk alone or in pairs. You can have two maids of honour, a maid and matron of honour, or two best men.

Just remember that the more bridesmaids you have, the more complicated it gets. The more girls you have deciding on a dress that everyone likes, your shower, the bachelorette party, and the more you’ll have to spend as well. Only choose as many gifts and bouquets as will realistically fit into your budget.

Trouble deciding on your maid/matron of honour? Sisters, as a rule of thumb, come before friends. Otherwise choose your oldest and most loyal pal―the one who knows when to tell you what you want to hear and when to be brutally honest.

For your bridesmaids, choose friends who will be in your life long after your wedding day. The negative, dramatic types are ever a good fit.  Also, don’t forget your fiancé’s sister. Honestly, 90 per cent of the time, it’s worth including family members just to avoid unnecessary conflict.

And yes, it’s fine to ask a friend who is pregnant to be a bridesmaid – just be considerate of her needs and capabilities. For instance, make sure a chair is placed near the altar area so that she can take a seat if the service is lengthy.

Another rule of thumb is that  just because someone asked you to be in her wedding doesn’t mean she has to be in your wedding.

Photo : KGOODPHOTO

It’s a great honour to be asked to be in a wedding, but some people may have other obligations and it might not be possible for them to accept. So, don’t be offended or expect a detailed explanation if someone turns down your invitation.Rather, express your disappointment without even a hint of disapproval.

Make sure all participants know up front what you are expecting of them and name your attendants soon after you choose a date so they have ample time to plan, because it’s a big job. Members of the bridal party are expected to assist the bride and groom and to see that the wedding and reception run smoothly.

According to Emily Post, they are expected to visit with guests, assist the elderly, be attentive to young children in the wedding party, be available for photos, and generally help out whenever needed.

In addition all members of the bridal party can expect to:

• Pay for their wedding attire and any alterations, shoes and accessories (excluding flowers).
• Arrange and pay for their own transportation.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• Attend other prewedding events.
• Give an individual wedding gift to the couple or contribute to a joint gift.
• Arrive at a specified time for all wedding-related events.
• Possibly host or cohost a shower, bachelor(ette) party (however this is by no means mandatory).

Maid/Matron’s Duties:

• Helps the bride select bridesmaids’ attire.
• Be available to be the bride’s “right hand”, helping with communications with other attendants and with wedding professionals if requested.
• Coordinates a shower or bachelorette party, if the bridesmaids decide to host one.
• Organises bridesmaid’s gift to the bride and bridesmaids luncheon, if there is one.
• Holds the groom’s ring and bride’s bouquet during the ceremony.
• Witness the signing of the marriage certificate.
• Helps the bride during the reception.

Best Man’s Duties:

• Organises the bachelor party for the groom if there is one.
• Coordinates the groomsmen’s gift to the groom.
• Delivers prearranged payments to officiants, assistants and musicians at the ceremony.
• See that the groomsmen are properly attired and arrive on time.
• Hands the bride’s ring to the groom during the ceremony.
• Witnesses the signing of the marriage certificate.
• Offers the first toast to the bride and grooms at the reception, dances with the bride, mothers, maid of honour and other single female guests.

Photo : [stu-di-o] by jeanie

But remember, these are traditions that have been made long ago, and who says that you have to follow them? Stay true to your heart and yourself and communicated clearly and effectively, and your wedding will turn out to be the one of your dreams!

The post Marriage Manners Monday | Choosing Your Wedding Party appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

The post Happy Family Day! appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

Today is BC’s first ever Family Day 2013 – The first stat holiday dedicated to spending time with family! What a wonderful idea for a holiday. It’s the perfect time to get out and spend some time enjoying this beautiful place that we live and discover some of the incredible things there are to do with your sweetie.

Spend time at your favourite cafe or restaurant, browse local shops, head up to the mountains or even take a trip to the island for the day. Just make sure to take some time today to enjoy  and appreciate the loved ones you are blessed with!

Image courtesy of Rebecca Sehn

Lots of local attractions have been posting special offers for families to enjoy together. Here are the top three fun family events we found for today:

1. Family Day at Robson Square
Celebrate the first Family Day at a celebration for all ages including educational activities, free ice skating, hockey shoot outs, face painting and performances by Said the Whale.

Date: February 11, 2013
Time:  7 a.m. – 11:30 p.m.
Where: Robson Square – aka Vancouver Art Gallery North Plaza: 750 Hornby Street, Vancouver

2. Family Day at the Vancouver Art Gallery

See a special presentation of The Making Place and enjoy explorative, hands-on workshops featuring collaborative and independent activities for the entire family.

Date: February 11, 2013
Time: noon – 4 p.m.
Location: Vancouver Art Gallery: 750 Hornby Street, Vancouver
Cost:  Free – $17.50

3. Local Mountains for Family Day

Many BC ski resorts are offering Family Day promotions. Locally, Mount Seymour is hosting a Family Day contest, Grouse Mountain is having a pancake breakfast, sleigh rides, scavenger hunts, snow painting, and offering 50% off lift tickets (for BC residents) and general admission. Whistler Blackcomb, Mount Washington, and Sun Peaks are also offering 50$ off lift tickets (for BC residents).

The post Monday Marriage Manners | B.C.’s First Family Day 2013 appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

All images courtesy of Katya Nova Photography 

You get in bed together. Your husband turns to you and says, “Let’s have sex.” But, you’re still angry about the fight you had earlier that evening, perhaps, and so you roll away and say, “I’m not in the mood,” before going to sleep.

Well guess what? You have just used sex as a weapon. Controlling the amount and timing of sex can be a way to gain power in a relationship, and so many women do it, sometimes without even realising.

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this myself. When my husband and I get in an argument, even if we make up, the last thing I feel like doing is having sex. On the other hand, that’s the first thing he feels like doing. And his reaction is probably the right one. Sex can, and should be, used to deepen your connection to each other and as a pronouncement of love not as power. Unintentionally, by having that reaction, I was punishing him because somewhere in the back of my mind, I don’t feel like he deserves to be intimate with me for how he acted earlier.

The difference between men and women is that most men don’t care if you’re mad at them, they will still want to have sex. And, more often than not, when a man is satisfied physically, he will go the extra mile to be the protector, provider and partner you want him to be.

Turning your man down repeatedly will begin to play with his self-esteem. If you haven’t realised this yet, men are driven by ego.  So, turning him away makes him question his self-worth and leads him to wonder if he’s satisfying you, if he’s turned you off, or if you even want him anymore. What ensues are feelings of anger and frustration, which might start to be reflected in other areas of your relationship.

This why you always hear that communication is the key to a healthy relationship – we think so too!

As a side note, men are visual beings. Wearing sweatpants every day, never getting dolled up for a night out anymore sends out the message that you don’t want to be attractive to your man. Attraction is a visual experience for men. As old-fashioned and archaic as it may sound, when you said the words “I do” and pledged your undying love, you also pledged to satisfy your husband’s most basic desire.

Of course, all the blame can’t lie in the hands of women. Men also need to realise that their husbandly duties go far beyond getting up for work every day; they need to take the time to find out which of their woman’s needs aren’t being met to make her not want to have sex.

Have you seen the movie, Annie Hall? It depicts two lovers with different perceptions of their sexual relationship. When a therapist asks them separately how often they have sex, the character played by Woody Allen answers, “Hardly ever, maybe three times a week.” The character played by Diane Keaton replies, “Constantly, three times a week.”

What a lot of men don’t realise is that a women’s sexual desires are usually connected with her emotional desires. And what many women don’t realise is that men don’t connect sex and emotional desires in the same way as they do.

So ladies, enjoy the fact that your husband wants you, all the time. Gentlemen, realise that all the time is more than most women can handle. Marriage is about compromising.

Instead of not having or withholding sex at the first sign of trouble or an argument, use it to get back on track. It’s a scientific fact that having regular sex improves your quality of life. Getting married doesn’t mean the death of hot sex, but it will take an effort on both ends to keep it steamy in the years to come.

According to a study at Queen’s University in Belfast, Ireland, having sex releases the feel-good chemical Oxytocin (aka the cuddle hormone) which makes couples feel loving and more bonded. It promotes feelings of affection, safety, trust and contentment. Making love soothes the bad feelings. So, couples who have regular sexual intercourse are more emotionally intimate and communicate much better, which means less arguments to begin with.

And remember, your sexual relationship shouldn’t be a topic that you can’t discuss freely and frankly with your spouse. Be open, honest and always ready to communicate on this subject. Simply put – having sex makes everything better and is better for you than not having sex.

There may be times when the two of you are having trouble communicating and connecting with eachother. Kids, friends, work and hobbies can very easily get in the way of maintaining a good relationship.  If you’re having trouble in your marriage, it will get worse if you’re not connecting sexually.

So, use your spare time together wisely. Fiancees and husbands, you can thank us later

Questions to ponder:

• Do you feel comfortable sharing your desires with your partner?
• How many times a week do you expect to have sex in your marriage?
• Are you happy with your sex life?
• What do you love about your sex life?
• What do you wish was different?
• Are you satisfied with the amount of affection received from your partner?
• Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?
• What are your expectations of your sexual relationship?

The post Ten things to talk about before Marriage | Week Ten: Sex appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

This week for ten things to talk about before marriage, we’re discussing conflict resolution.  How do you talk to each other? Do you listen? Do you feel understood? These are all very important things to iron out before the big day.

Communication usually comes easily to most engaged and newlywed couples. You feel like you can talk to each other about anything – you might even find it hard to understand why married couples fight.

Or maybe you have already had some arguments and are worried about how to make things go more smoothly in the future. Wedding planning can bring up all kinds of disagreements, from family matters to financial issues.

Photo : Gabriel Ryan Photographers

It’s totally natural for you to have different approaches towards how to handle certain situations and problems and to have different opinions on all kinds of issues. The way we handle problems, more than the problems themselves, often can be the real problem. Conflict is natural, people in a relationship are always going to have differences. As couples become closer, their differences can sometimes cause disagreements.

Thankfully, conflict can be a positive thing if it is resolved in a healthy way. Love and respect are absolutely key in handling conflict – so keep in mind that your goal is to resolve the issue at hand and not to hurt your partner.

Questions to go over with your partner to learn how you as a couple deal with conflict and how to improve upon how you do (there’s always room for improvement):

- How did your parents deal with conflict?

– How will we make decisions together?

– Are we both willing to face up to the difficult areas, or do we try to avoid conflict?

- Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?

- Do we handle conflict well?

- How are we different?

- Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?

- Do you expect or want me to change?

- Can we both forgive?

- Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?

– What are your perpetual issues?

- Do you have the same approaches to communication?

- Are there certain communication techniques that work better for you?

The post Ten things to talk about before Marriage | Week Nine: Conflict Resolution appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

When you’re in love, it’s easy to overlook some of the important discussions you should have before you say “I do.” So, for this week of “Ten Things to Talk About Before Marriage,” we’re discussing another one of those important chats you and your sweetie should have – personal values and the importance of religion in your daily life.

It’s likely that you’re marrying someone who has similar values and shares the same views on life as you. Whether you’re an interfaith couple, or you share the same beliefs, you must discuss the role of religion and personal values in your relationship. It’s usually only after it causes a major argument later in life that some couples realise how different their beliefs really are and how they play a bigger role in marriage than they expected.

Statistics say that couples who have the same faith have a better chance at making it. Of course it helps to share similar values, beliefs and interests, but it’s being loving, caring, having good communication and mutual respect of each other’s beliefs with no intention to change them that is so much more important. Many people are happily married to people of other faiths, beliefs, religions and with different values.

Unfortunately, religion is often one of the biggest relationship ‘deal breakers.’ But by being open and taking the time to understand and accept your partner’s system of beliefs, dreams, needs and desires, and by being willing to put in an effort to create a game plan for your life together, the transition into marriage and planning your life as a couple, having and raising children, will go much more smoothly.

Religion will unavoidably come up when planning your ceremony, so why not talk about it before that.

Photo : Anna Kuperberg

Will it be held in a church/mosque/synagogue or in a non-religious place like a garden, golf course, restaurant or simply in your own backyard? Who gets to decide this? Your families may also try to influence the role of religion in your relationship during this time. We came across this issue while planning our ceremony last summer. The week we got engaged, my dad insisted that we had to have the ceremony in a church – neither my husband or I wanted that.

Instead we opted for a gorgeous garden at a heritage venue, with our family friend and old pastor as our commissioner. We also took pre-marital classes with him, after my dad insisted on them numerous time, which we were hesitant about, but ended up loving because we discussed all these things before walking down the aisle.

Like all things, it is about being able to compromise.

People often take religious issues much more seriously after marriage than before, and even more so after having children. Of all the challenges couples will face is how they will raise their children, and many families also like to get involved when little ones come into the picture. But it’s so important that the two of you decide how you will practise or not practise faith in your own family.  

Questions to consider:

• Does religion play an important part in your life?

• Do you have similar and/or different values?

• How will you treat your religious differences?

• How important is church/synagogue/mosque attendance?

• Will you both take the children to church/synagogue/mosque?

• How important is religion, and how will you teach your kids?

• What will you do if your child wants to experience other faiths?

• What holidays will you celebrate with your family?

• Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage?

The post Ten things to talk about before Marriage | Week Eight: Religion and Values appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

For week seven of 10 things to talk about before marriage, we’re discussing the importance of talking about your career aspirations and goals with your soon-to-be-spouse before you make the big commitment of spending your future together.

First things first – your current job. You’ve already discussed your salaries and financial goals after reading last week’s post on hashing out your finances, but what are each of your individual career goals in your current jobs? Do you plan to get a promotion in the next year? Or possibly move on to a different company, even a different role? Discuss and create your one, five and 10 year plans together.

Maybe you or your soon-to-be spouse are on a lifelong career path and have a plan already set out – so share your plans. It’s so important to be honest about things like relocation to another city if a job offer comes up as well as the possibility of needing additional education in the future to get you to where you aspire to be in your career. It’s even important to come up with a plan in case one of you loses your job.

If you are a young couple, you may or may not be fully established in your respective careers, making it difficult to foresee the future and to find a balance between investing your time in your marriage, as well as in your career.

Some topics to discuss:

• Does one of you want to own your own business, or be an entrepreneur? There are a lot of sacrifices and risks involves with that, so it’s important to know you have a partner who will stand by you  through every bump in the road and every victory.

• Do both of you have a strong work ethic? Or does one of you need a little more motivation to get through their workload?

• How will having children affect your well-thought-out career plans? Will one of you be a stay-at-home mom or dad? 

• Are you willing to set boundaries at work to ensure that your family gets the attention they require and deserve?

• What type of support does your spouse expect from you when it comes to their career choice, whether it be financial or emotional?

• How much quality time to you expect to spend with your spouse when they are working long hours or have demanding projects?

The post Ten things to talk about before Marriage | Week Seven: Career Plans appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.

Although it may not be the most romantic conversation you’ll ever have, it is essential to talk about your finances before you walk down the aisle. Money troubles cause a lot of problems in many relationships and are, unfortunately, one of the leading causes of divorce. We think discussing the financial aspect of your relationship before it has the chance to create any tension in your marriage just might be the most important topic in our ten things to talk about before marriage series.

A survey conducted by American Express Financial Advisors revealed that 66 per cent of North Americans spend more time thinking about money and careers than they do about sex, health, or relationships. Basically, we spend 80 per cent of our waking hours earning money, spending money, or thinking about money.

Photo : Gucio Photography

Planning out your finances with your other half doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. You can make it enjoyable –  grab a bottle of wine at your favourite restaurant, armed with pens and a notepad, and work your way through the following important financial topics:

Talk about each of your salaries. You should know exactly how much each of you earns separately and combined to figure out what tax bracket you will be in. Discuss when your last pay increase was, and when you expect to receive your next one.

Talk about all your debt.  Have mortgages, student loans, car loans or lines of credit? Now isn’t the time for secrets -it’s time to completely come clean about financial matters.  If you have debt, tell your partner about it. Discuss how that debt will impact your finances for the next few years and how you can work together to manage and pay off the debt. Find out if you are behind on any payments and if you are, come up with a plan to get caught up.

Discuss your credit card habits. When do you use your credit cards? Do you pay the minimum amount each month, or pay it in full each month? Add up all the credit card debt you both have and devise a plan to pay that off. Set a date when you want to have that debt settled by.

Talk about all the accounts you have, including your precious savings. How many accounts do you have? Savings accounts, checking accounts? Talk about how much money is in each of them and what you’ve been saving it for. Decide if you should have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both.

Outline your income and spending patterns so you can create a budget. Agree on a realistic budget, don’t be stingy –  a realistic budget is much more likely to be successful in long-term.  Make plan to pay off debt that suit both of your needs. Do you have a monthly gym membership? Medical expenses? Think through the expenses you have, write them down and combine your lists. A lot of problems occur when one partner thinks the other should be more careful about spending.

According to Good Financial‘s post on, “How to Rock Your First Year of Marriage,”  a common question is “Should I invest, or pay down my debt?” Usually, interest on debt is higher than on your investment. Plus debt is guaranteed, returns from your investment are not.

A great app to download is Mint; it taps into your online banking, breaks down your income and expenses, and from there creates a budget for you which is completely customisable. It also categorises all of your spending habits – gas, groceries, restaurants, fitness and so on, so you know exactly where your money is going and truly makes managing your money easy. If you and your partner have separate accounts, you can add more than one bank account to your Mint account, combining your finances. My husband and I tried it out this weekend at our annual goal planning day, and realised how much time it’s going to save us – instead of documenting all our expenses by hand, keeping receipts and using excel sheets, Mint takes care of it all for you.

Decide who is responsible. Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time and which accounts will be used to pay those bills? Some couples find it easier to assign one person to pay all the bills while other couples divide the responsibility. Some find the best way is to set-up automatic bill payments. There is no right or wrong answer when planning out your finances, finding out what works for you as a couple is the important part.

Plan out your financial goals. This is the fun part, where you get to decide together how you are going to spend your money. Do you plan on buying a car, going on an African safari, buying a house, having children, heading back to school, or making investments? Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to deciding on goals. Have a conversation about how each of you sees your financial future and what you are willing to do to make it happen in the next year, five years and 10 years.

More questions to go over:

•  Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
•  Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?
•  Where does our money go?
•  Do we agree on how to spend money?
•  What is our future plan for purchasing a home? How soon?
•  Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?
•  Are we both satisfied about decisions about saving?
•  Are major debts a problem? Who should have control over the money we have?
•  Will we be donating to charity?

The post Ten things to talk about before Marriage | Week Six: Finances appeared first on Heirloom Magazine | Vancouver Wedding Magazine.